Alone time

It’s wonderful, alone time. The weekends are delicious because if it. I’m sure I spend a good portion of mine thinking about things that don’t really matter, but I love it all the same. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, alone time feels necessary. That its purpose is to help me understand life, and that there is something very important that I must understand about it, with the time I left on Earth.  This week, I’ve thought about things I’d rather not remember. Times of selfishness and meanness and delusion. No parent is perfect, I know, and I have regrets. But still, it’s good to sometimes take stock and sort things out. Self-forgiveness has been turned around in my hand like a glass of whisky. The thinking and feeling take energy. I’m melancholy by nature and I'm meant to do this. It' part of who I am. I also don’t regret it; I want to keep my melancholy. Memories can leave us shattered, though, looking for a way to make sense of our actions. This is essential I think. In working through this, we glean new awarenesses over time. What else might time be for? Perhaps with a little more thought and remembering, I will imbibe the softening power of that healing forgiveness and understanding. Just enough.

In my walks this weekend, I found this turtle making his way toward me in the water. Usually, they hide, slipping down toward the silty bottom.  I wondered if he’d hoped I’d had food for him. LittleTurtle, I did not.

Wherever you have landed during these intense times, I hope you weather it well, and don’t give up. In time, what you need will come to you.

Dorothy Dolores