A is for Alone on a Holiday

                                                          You can make it last for days. Or not!

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend who is dreading the Thanksgiving holiday alone in a small apartment, being rightfully cautious about virus exposure, longing for social contact, and nostalgic about family holidays in the Old Times (pre-Covid).  I got a little nostalgic, remembering times when I spent holidays alone, and so I mentioned how I coped. It helped my beloved friend – at least they said it did - and I hope it’s helpful to you. I hasten to add my apologies for the preachiness. Sometimes I gotta preach to hear my own feeble advice.

Hint #1:  My mother’s advice:  “If you are feeling sorry for yourself, do something for someone else.” You have every right to feel sad or sorry for yourself. You can also think about the ones who don’t have food or shelter or care. Plan ahead with a donation, a delivery, a carry-in meal (leftovers are treasures) if you can do it. Twenty bucks will help the food pantry, as will your presence if you are healthy enough and – yes, wear the mask, wash your hands, all that.  If you are one who needs help, ask someone to make a grocery run for you or bring you a book or….well you get the idea. The time I was seriously ill and asked a friend to bring me food make her feel like a hero. Go for it!

Hint #2:  Do make the day special.  I tried convincing myself that one holiday or another was just an ordinary day, but it wasn’t and reality bites sometimes. So, I gave in and treated the day like a holiday.

Hint #3:  Do not work.  It’s easy in these work-at-home times to fall back on daily routine but try not to work if you can avoid it.  Or…

Hint #4:  Do work.  You can be a hero if you can fill in to give someone else a day off. I worked in a TV newsroom so the guys (and they were all guys) could go have dinner with their families. I filled in for a receptionist at a retirement community on Mother’s Day so she could have the day with her kids. Everyone was grateful -- bonus points for me.  Of course, you gotta be safe. Wear the mask, wash your hands, don’t touch your face, keep safe distance – all that. Sorry, I know you will.

Hint #5:  Food is good.  Denying myself turkey on Thanksgiving just produced a little more sadness. Missing out on leftovers was even worse. I confess I didn’t miss cooking a big feast for a dozen people, as I used to do. The bonus for all that sweaty labor was a turkey sandwich late at night with cranberry sauce, lettuce and mayo, the thought of which is making my mouth water now. So I finally got it – I could get the makings for such a sandwich and eat all I wanted. A not-homemade pumpkin pie lasted days. I felt self-indulgent eating the favorite family foods or even a weak imitation thereof, but guilty pleasures are still pleasures, after all.  If you’ve always gone out for Chinese food on a Christian holiday because a) you are not Christian and/or b) you love Chinese food – I wish you well. It’s risky to do that this year but curb-side carry-out might be an option.

Hint #6:  Plan some entertainment for yourself.  I used to buy a long-awaited book and set it aside until the holiday came. The Mists of Avalon over a four-day holiday in the 80’s was such a treat. I ate leftovers and spent the entire time in, well, Avalon, in sweats no less.  I hear there will be no Rose Parade this year, so if that’s your jam on the day, I hope the bazillion television channels will provide something else fun. Or download something, or find a podcast. Whatever your technological capabilities will allow.

Hint #7:  Silly to mention it, but electronic contact can be such a treat.  I love getting in touch with old friends far away who are also spending the day alone.  And now that we’re all adept at Zoom or whichever program we like, we can have family reunions – or Friendsgiving – without leaving the safety of home. All it takes is figuring out everyone’s time zone and making a plan. Please don’t deny yourself the pleasure of seeing folks. Or the pleasure of an introvert day of solitude if that feels delicious.

OK, enough preaching about How to Make the Best of It.  It’s fun to remember floating off to Avalon one Thanksgiving holiday when I was a forty something undergraduate and papers were coming due. Fun to remember deep cleaning the house while a pot of soup bubbled on the story – a soup my small (and absent) kids didn’t like and a house that was driving me crazy.  Oh my, the satisfaction when I sat down in a cozy robe in a tidy house with a bowl of soup after a hot shower. And watching a sappy movie while eating a big slab of pie. Ahhhh.  Or the time I gave that receptionist the day off, worked her shift in the lobby and then went to sit with folks in the nursing unit who were lonely.  They told me stories and I blissed out, loving the stories and feeling virtuous.

I hope you can take a day to relax, set aside the chaos of 2020, nestle in safe and warm, and luxuriate in leftovers, something entertaining, and some electronic connection with the ones you love, wherever they and you may be.